Office of Public Humiliation: Division of the (Kinder and Gentler) Grammar Police

“English usage is sometimes more than mere taste, judgment, and education — Sometimes it’s sheer luck, like getting across the street.”
– E. B. White

“The greater part of the world’s troubles are due to questions of grammar.”
– Michel de Montaigne

from ETNI’s “Grammar Quotes

How do we control grammar? We have to have some rules, right? Otherwise, no one would understand each other. Maybe. English is a mongrel mutt of a language, full of all sorts of odd imports and add ons and historical oddities. It’s no wonder we get it wrong so often. Have you ever wondered why nothing rhymes with orange or pajama?

One explanation is that they are both words adapted from non-European languages. Orange, according to FreeDictionary.com, “is possibly ultimately from Dravidian, a family of languages spoken in southern India and northern Sri Lank.” [http://www.tfd.com/orange]. Pajama, is from the Persian word for pants [http://www.tfd.com/pajama]

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Ladys and Gentleman, the Butthole Surfers


Via: VideoSift

We used to go see these guys in Austin, TX, in the 80s. They were a lot stranger then, but this is a pretty cool song. This seems like an appropriate phrase on the day our president decides to outline his plan for a so-called ‘surge’ into Iraq. That’s what I call surfing on your butt! Oh, and you can listen to their web-radio too. Bush was also, of course, the (I meant to do that!) Shrub Governor of TX, too, in the 90s.


Bookmarkz

Wal-Mart’s Local Harvest

SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) — Wal-Mart Stores Inc. unveiled a national TV advertising campaign on Sunday aimed at burnishing the image of the world’s largest retailer.

The 30-second and 60-second spots, which initially broadcast in Omaha, Neb. and Tucson Ariz., in the summer, feature Wal-Mart employees describing cost savings for shoppers, charitable donations and the company’s recent efforts to provide health insurance for eligible employees, according to a press release from the retailer.

Market Watch, January 7, 2007

At Wal-Mart, we know that being an efficient, profitable business and being a good steward of the environment are goals that can be accomplished together. And our environmental goals are simple and straightforward: to be supplied 100 percent by renewable energy; to create zero waste; and to sell products that sustain our resources and our environment. We believe that corporations can develop and implement practices that are good for the environment and good for business. We’re making amazing strides in this endeavor and we’re doing more every day.

from the Sustainability page, on Wal-Mart Facts

A study by the consulting firm Global Insight, which concludes that Wal-Mart’s expansion has saved U.S. consumers $263 billion, is deeply flawed. The statistical analysis generating this widely quoted figure fails the most rudimentary sensitivity checks used in good economic analysis, rendering its conclusions unreliable.

A robust set of research findings shows that Wal-Mart’s entry into local labor markets reduces the pay of workers in competing stores. This effect is largest in the South, where Wal-Mart expansion has been greatest.

Wal-Mart could raise wages and benefits significantly without raising prices, yet still earn a healthy profit. For example, while still maintaining a profit margin almost 50% greater than Costco, a key competitor, Wal-Mart could have raised the wages and benefits of each of its non-supervisory employees in 2005 by more than $2,000 without raising prices a penny

from the Economic Policy Institutes’ Report, “The Wal-Mart debate:A false choice between prices and wages.”

I live in one of those small central Illinois towns where it can be difficult to avoid shopping at Wal-Mart. Actually, there are two Wal-Marts nearby, one here in Charleston, and another about fifteen minutes away in Mattoon. We do have another grocery store, a local chain that was recently swallowed up by County Market, but they can’t beat the prices created by the economies of scale. Wal-Mart has, according to it’s website, “more than 6,600 stores in 13 countries and serve more than 176 million customers around the globe each week.”

If you are relatively affluent (or bored or both) and willing to spend the money, you can always drive an hour north to shop in Champaign, which as a university town has the usual quota of so-called health food groceries and the like. And, even though it makes no sense at all to burn up all that global-warming carbon just to avoid Wal-Mart, that is a fairly common thing among the local liberal cognoscenti, such as it is. (We have our own, much smaller university.) My guess is that Wal-Mart caught on among a lot of academic liberals because it meshes so well with their sense of superiority.

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Words and Metaphors, Overused and Dead : I PWN You

GITMO — The US military’s shorthand for a base in Cuba drives a wedge wider than a split infinitive.

COMBINED CELEBRITY NAMES — Celebrity duos of yore — BogCall (Bogart and Bacall), Lardy (Laurel and Hardy), and CheeChong (Cheech and Chong) — just got lucky.

AWESOME — Given a one-year moratorium in 1984, when the Unicorn Hunters banished it “during which it is to be rehabilitated until it means ‘fear mingled with admiration or reverence; a feeling produced by something majestic.” Many write to tell us there’s no hope and it’s time for “the full banishment.”

GONE/WENT MISSING — “It makes ‘missing’ sound like a place you can visit, such as the Poconos. Is the person missing, or not? She went there but maybe she came back. ‘Is missing’ or ‘was missing’ would serve us better.” — Robin Dennis, Flower Mound, Texas.

PWN or PWNED — Thr styff of lemgendz: Gamer defeats gamer, types in “I pwn you” rather than I OWN you.

NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS — Heard in movie advertisements. Where can we see that, again?

WE’RE PREGNANT — Grounded for nine months.

UNDOCUMENTED ALIEN — “If they haven’t followed the law to get here, they are by definition ‘illegal.’ It’s like saying a drug dealer is an ‘undocumented pharmacist.'” — John Varga, Westfield, New Jersey.

ARMED ROBBERY/DRUG DEAL GONE BAD — From the news reports. What degree of “bad” don’t we understand? Larry Lillehammer of Bonney Lake, Washington, asks, “After it stopped going well and good?”

TRUTHINESS – “This word, popularized by The Colbert Report and exalted by the American Dialectic Society’s Word of the Year in 2005 has been used up. What used to ring true is getting all the truth wrung out of it.” — Joe Grimm, Detroit, Michigan.

ASK YOUR DOCTOR — The chewable vitamin morphine of marketing.

CHIPOTLE – Smoked dry over medium heat.

i-ANYTHING — ‘e-Anything’ made the list in 2000. Geoff Steinhart of Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, says tech companies everywhere have picked this apple to the core. “Turn on…tune in…and drop out.”

SEARCH — Quasi-anachronism. Placed on one-year moratorium.

HEALTHY FOOD — Point of view is everything.

BOASTS — See classified advertisements for houses, says Morris Conklin of Lisboa, Portugal, as in “master bedroom boasts his-and-her fireplaces — never ‘bathroom apologizes for cracked linoleum,’ or ‘kitchen laments pathetic placement of electrical outlets.'”

I was going to include only the top ten but this list of Banished Words, compiled each year by the Lake Superior State University, is too good to cut short. (I did cut out of some of the comments for the sake of brevity.) My main quibble is with Truthiness, which I think is still relevant. But, OK, maybe if we use it lightly this year we can go back to it when we need it.

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