Office of Public Humiliation: Division of the (Kinder and Gentler) Grammar Police

“English usage is sometimes more than mere taste, judgment, and education — Sometimes it’s sheer luck, like getting across the street.”
– E. B. White

“The greater part of the world’s troubles are due to questions of grammar.”
– Michel de Montaigne

from ETNI’s “Grammar Quotes

How do we control grammar? We have to have some rules, right? Otherwise, no one would understand each other. Maybe. English is a mongrel mutt of a language, full of all sorts of odd imports and add ons and historical oddities. It’s no wonder we get it wrong so often. Have you ever wondered why nothing rhymes with orange or pajama?

One explanation is that they are both words adapted from non-European languages. Orange, according to FreeDictionary.com, “is possibly ultimately from Dravidian, a family of languages spoken in southern India and northern Sri Lank.” [http://www.tfd.com/orange]. Pajama, is from the Persian word for pants [http://www.tfd.com/pajama]

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Ladys and Gentleman, the Butthole Surfers


Via: VideoSift

We used to go see these guys in Austin, TX, in the 80s. They were a lot stranger then, but this is a pretty cool song. This seems like an appropriate phrase on the day our president decides to outline his plan for a so-called ‘surge’ into Iraq. That’s what I call surfing on your butt! Oh, and you can listen to their web-radio too. Bush was also, of course, the (I meant to do that!) Shrub Governor of TX, too, in the 90s.


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Words and Metaphors, Overused and Dead : I PWN You

GITMO — The US military’s shorthand for a base in Cuba drives a wedge wider than a split infinitive.

COMBINED CELEBRITY NAMES — Celebrity duos of yore — BogCall (Bogart and Bacall), Lardy (Laurel and Hardy), and CheeChong (Cheech and Chong) — just got lucky.

AWESOME — Given a one-year moratorium in 1984, when the Unicorn Hunters banished it “during which it is to be rehabilitated until it means ‘fear mingled with admiration or reverence; a feeling produced by something majestic.” Many write to tell us there’s no hope and it’s time for “the full banishment.”

GONE/WENT MISSING — “It makes ‘missing’ sound like a place you can visit, such as the Poconos. Is the person missing, or not? She went there but maybe she came back. ‘Is missing’ or ‘was missing’ would serve us better.” — Robin Dennis, Flower Mound, Texas.

PWN or PWNED — Thr styff of lemgendz: Gamer defeats gamer, types in “I pwn you” rather than I OWN you.

NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS — Heard in movie advertisements. Where can we see that, again?

WE’RE PREGNANT — Grounded for nine months.

UNDOCUMENTED ALIEN — “If they haven’t followed the law to get here, they are by definition ‘illegal.’ It’s like saying a drug dealer is an ‘undocumented pharmacist.'” — John Varga, Westfield, New Jersey.

ARMED ROBBERY/DRUG DEAL GONE BAD — From the news reports. What degree of “bad” don’t we understand? Larry Lillehammer of Bonney Lake, Washington, asks, “After it stopped going well and good?”

TRUTHINESS – “This word, popularized by The Colbert Report and exalted by the American Dialectic Society’s Word of the Year in 2005 has been used up. What used to ring true is getting all the truth wrung out of it.” — Joe Grimm, Detroit, Michigan.

ASK YOUR DOCTOR — The chewable vitamin morphine of marketing.

CHIPOTLE – Smoked dry over medium heat.

i-ANYTHING — ‘e-Anything’ made the list in 2000. Geoff Steinhart of Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, says tech companies everywhere have picked this apple to the core. “Turn on…tune in…and drop out.”

SEARCH — Quasi-anachronism. Placed on one-year moratorium.

HEALTHY FOOD — Point of view is everything.

BOASTS — See classified advertisements for houses, says Morris Conklin of Lisboa, Portugal, as in “master bedroom boasts his-and-her fireplaces — never ‘bathroom apologizes for cracked linoleum,’ or ‘kitchen laments pathetic placement of electrical outlets.'”

I was going to include only the top ten but this list of Banished Words, compiled each year by the Lake Superior State University, is too good to cut short. (I did cut out of some of the comments for the sake of brevity.) My main quibble is with Truthiness, which I think is still relevant. But, OK, maybe if we use it lightly this year we can go back to it when we need it.

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Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

I know, the tone and the style make it seem like some wacky conspiratorial paranoia, but as much as anything that is because we are not used to either the truth or to systematic economic and political analysis. Ask yourself this: how does inflation happen without a conspiracy? Once you get that basic point I think it’s time to move over to Democracy Now and listen or watch Noam Chomsky’s talk about U.S. policy in Central America. Chomsky, believe it or not, sounds relatively hopeful for the future of our southern neighbors. Look for the January 1, 2007 show.


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